Single But Not Available

 

My high school classmates are cooking up a reunion. I am thinking of what to say had they ask me why I am still single

A. “I have a love jinx, guys eh. I always fall in love with the wrong man, or in wrong circumstances and wrong time. This isn’t my fault, really.”

B. “I am super choosy. I’m looking for a perfect guy. A guy with six-pack abs and gorgeous car. A one-woman man who will love me forever and we will live happily ever after. I couldn’t find anyone perfect. That’s why I’m still unmarried.”

C. “I have to confess… I am a Philophobe. Falling in love gives me uncontrollable physical manifestations of intense fear. Prozac and Valium are expensive so I might as well avoid love to save money.”

D. “I’m a classic man-hater. Men are dangerous animals in disguise. They are evil. I want to kill them.” (with matching sneer and gritting teeth)

E. “Well… I am Androphobic. Men are my greatest fear. Terrorists, bandits, assassins, goons, thieves were mostly male. You see, they do evil things. They are scary. How can I entrust my life to a man?”

F. “I don’t think I could cope up with the hassles of being tied down. I want to live a hassle-free life. I don’t think I could handle being a wife and a mother. They are big responsibilities. I am too fragile and childish, you know.”

G. “Being single is fun. I LOVE BEING SINGLE! I want to have it tattooed on my forehead.”

H. “I have suitors, I just don’t like all of them.”

I. “I am malaxophobic!!! I find kissing and sex repulsive! Yuck!”

J. “I’m still waiting for Josh Harnett to woo me. Yes, I believe he is the one for me. He just have to realize that. I could wait forever, you know.”

K. “No one can cope up with my insane head case!”

L. “I think men just want to have free unlimited sex that’s why they enter relationships or get married. Well, I am not a willing socket for their shameless sexual need.”

M. “I have galiophobia. I fear pain. I don’t want to get hurt again so I avoid men. I believe that men are the ultimate source of pain of women.”

N. “I am a sexist. I believe that women are better creatures than men. And therefore, I don’t need a man in my life. I can definitely live without them.”

O. “My worth is so over the top I don’t think there’s one normal human being who could be right enough for me. My likes are for gods. Greek gods, to be exact. Unfortunately, they’re just mythical figures. So, I have no choice but to stay single for no one could ever reach my supreme being.”

P. “I don’t believe in love. Love is not real. It’s only in the movies. It’s just a fantasy, an illusion created by cheesy fools.”

Q. “I am a closet lesbo. By the way, Jessica Alba is smokin’ hot.”

R. “I am thinking of being a nun and practice chastity.”

S. “I hate commitments. I just like playing around with men. I love the variety so I couldn’t stick to one man. Therefore, I don’t want to get married.”

T. “Divorce and annulment cases are in freaking high rate these days. What’s the use of getting married when you know you’re going to sign on that black and white document soon and have a hard time with the splitting of conjugal assets?”

U. “I am so busy creating love stories of non-existent people that I’ve forgotten about my own love life. Oh, wait… I think I just thought of a nice plot.”

V. “I am just not in a hurry. Are you? Then, go ahead. Go away!”

W. “My middle name is freedom.. If I remain single, I can do anything I want and go wherever I want. No one will stop and restrict me. I own my life alone. Isn’t that amazing?”

X. “What?? What did you say? I can’t hear you. I have ear infection. I couldn’t hear right, I’m sorry. I couldn’t hear your question.”

Y. “Hey, wait. I have to make a phone call. This is very, very important.” *calls my friend and tells her something ‘important’ and she begins calling me names because she has no idea what I’m talking about*

Z. “I think I have to go to the restroom. Excuse me.”

Some of the options above are true. LOL. Can you guess what they are??? XD

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