Love Is A Disease-Carrier.

  (Imported from my old blog. Check out the date.)

Love is a disease and a disease-carrier as well but still people just couldn’t stay out of it. Oh, well, no one could change the fact that people love to be in love even if that thing could make them suffer from a disease called “Heart-ache” (scientifically called katangahanosis kasisus) Tsk tsk. And unfortunately, women are more prone to this disease than men due to anatomical imbalance. The heart of a woman is softer than of the man’s and therefore more immune to the virus called “LOVE“.

Well, there are two types of this disease:

There’s the Acute Heart-ache–severe bleeding, internal hemorrhagic aneurysm of the heart due to excessive use without using one’s brain. It can cause trauma or can be fatal.

Symptoms/Stages (may vary)

-First symptom would be a sudden fierce stab or squeeze at the left chest of a person at the sight of one’s supposedly faithful boyfriend kissing another woman.

-Excessive crying. Drooping, swollen eyes. A lot of sticky mucus.  Insomnia. Anorexia. Screeching like a wild animal. Staring blankly at nowhere, openmouthed. 

-Excessive discharge of expletives from the mouth. Repeated emission of EX-boyfriend’s name with a prefix “Hayup ka”.

-Having sudden violent thoughts and killer instincts. Having the sudden fascination of seeing blood. Irregularity of actions and thoughts.

-Encircling/ spiraling one’s few strands of hair using one finger. Hailing names of people one does not even know who the hell were (i. e. crispin, basilio). Singing out of tune and dancing like an idiot (if your voice is naturally off-pitch and your two left foot are congenital, kindly rule out this one)

-Having the sudden fascination on sharp objects and ropes, pills, raging cars and tall buildings.

-You damn well know what’s the last stage.

Chronic Heart-ache– like the acute one, it is also manifested with internal bleeding of the heart. But symptoms and stages of this disease usually stop at stage 3. Because commonly, people who had suffered acute heartache and had luckily survived are the ones who suffer this type. Chronic Heart-ache is the constant or repeated series of heartaches due to a repeated sequence of being dumped, duped and ditched. People who suffer this disease possess strong immune systems but have little brains because they have no kadala-dala. They still practice that horrifying ritual of falling in love and falling apart in the end despite their repeated hurtful heart experiences.

Treatments

Unfortunately, surgical procedures like heart transplantation or bypass operation could not be of any help to treat these diseases. Heart therapies are used to cure Heart-aches but effectiveness is not 100% assured. Most people usually end up in heart failure before they could finish undergoing these treatments.

1. Think of your ex as the most despicable, offensive-looking, horridly disfigured blah-blah-blah whapakk animal/monster/beast in the whole universe and he is definitely not worthy of your love and you deserve someone else better than him. (Better-looking, better-smelling, better-kisser!)

2. Make a list of his shortcomings and faults and even how he smelled whenever he perspires a lot and farts like a monster and how pathetic he looked like whenever he has an LBM. Recite them every time you feel like crying to save tears and tissues too.

3. Avoid watching romantic movies. Avoid listening love songs. Avoid everything that could make you remember of love.

4. Divert your attention to some activities like sports or anything physically tiring and mentally demanding so as not to think about that piece of crap anymore.

5. Seek company. Be with your friends who know how to make you laugh. Never seclude yourself and make mukmok inside your room cause the more you get alone, the more you will think about sadness.

6. Look for another love. They say, the most effective way to treat a heartache is to fall in love again and be with someone who can make you feel special (after being dumped… argh). But make sure (99.9% SURE) that loving that person will not lead you to chronic heartache, or else, you are doomed!

Prevention

Prevention is way better that cure. So, here are a few tips on how to prevent having this kind of disease.

1. Love yourself first before loving others. Self-worth is like vitamin C. If you take this regularly, you won’t be prone to heart-aches. You won’t be that devastated when your relationship with a person ended and you won’t feel that pathetic and manifest the heartache serious symptoms because you know your worth as person.

2. Do not love too much. Too much of anything is dangerous. You should know how to divide your love to your partner and yourself.

3. Be a good partner. In the first place, he/she wouldn’t dump you if he/she sees nothing wrong with your relationship.

4. Avoid heartbreakers. Avoid six-packed hotties with contagious charms, oh phuleeez. Avoid those who have the word “Danger” written on their foreheads (i..e. bad boy-looking hunks). Even if they are too damn irresistible (and I know how such a torture is that), please move away and save yourself from a heartache!

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