The Diary Of My Broken Heart

Last night, I opened my old vault. The box that contains some of the memories of my past. I never tried to open it for the past ten years or so. Wala akong time to reminisce. Lalo na ang magkalkal at suminghot ng old scent since my nose is quite sensitive. Since my memory sucks, I didn’t remember I had a diary that contained all my happy and sad memories about love until I saw a notebook with all my musings and memories about love. And actually, I skipped the happy (yeah, I decided to be a masochist last night) and chose to dwell on the sad memories. And while reading, I kind of felt the pain I did feel several years ago when I fell for a guy friend whom I thought only saw me as a friend, when I had a short non-committal relationship with a guy while he was in a “cool off status” with his girlfriend at the moment and when my first love ditched me for another woman.

I had three memorable “love stories” with no happy ending way, way back (when I was still confused whether I was still a teen or an adult yet). Three memorable guys. Three memorable heartbreaks.

Four years ago, I reconnected with guy #1. And you know what I’ve found out when we talked after 12 years of no communication at all? He also liked me that time daw! He secretly liked me! When I told him I liked him 12 years ago, akala niya nagbibiro lang ako kaya hindi niya ako pinatulan. So I told him, “Sayang pala. Eh di sana mag-ex na tayo ngayon.” Lol. He is happily married now. Clearly, he’s not for me.

Barely four years ago also, I reconnected with guy #2. And I found out he’s now an asshole. Made me want to thank fate for moving this guy out of my life.

And guy #3… the one who did truly hurt me for the first time is currently married with the woman whom he ditched me for. Yes. They were meant to be. But I didn’t have even the slightest regret that we didn’t end up together. Because he’s not even the type of guy I would want to be with for the rest of my life.

I’ve had a few heartbreaks after these three guys, pero wala na akong diary na isinulat para ipaalala in the future ang mga kagagahan ko in details. Ha-ha!

Oh, well… the truth is, it still is kind of fun to read old diaries. Kahit pa diary iyan ng broken heart mo. Especially when you are over the past completely. Those guys were just part of my past. Maybe I’d hated some of them in my past but I don’t anymore. Maybe they had something to do with why I am what I am right now. Maybe they’d hurt me or caused me to feel pain but they’d taught me to be wiser and stronger.

They were written in the book of my life. Fate wrote them down in it. Even if I torn the page where they appeared, they would still leave a small piece in the spine of the book. They were part of my life, sa ayaw ko man o gusto. But you know the good thing is their part in my life had already ended. And it has purpose why. 🙂


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