“Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten.” Hmmm…. This campaign photo is quite popular in the internet. I first encountered this several years ago. I remember how I was too astounded by this that it left my head with a big hole. I didn’t know what that phrase means for pete’s sake. Why would God kill a kitten whenever someone takes the call of sexual emergency… alone? Why the kittens? Why not the puppies? ponies? piglets? …. ants (they are small regardless of age so I don’t think there is a baby title for them) Why? why, oh why the kittens????
Ang laki ng problema ko no? I still don’t know what that picture and phrase mean. I was trying to grasp the essence of this campaign photo but I really couldn’t obtain some sensible response from my brain. So, I ended up bringing out a pile of questions about this. Maybe someone could enlighten me so I can finally sleep.
1. Is masturbation a mortal sin for God to kill innocent kittens for it?
2. Why the kittens? Why not the rats?
3. What the fudge are those two dweebs with fake sharp teeth chasing a kitten? They don’t look like they could kill. They do not even look like they’re from heaven.
4. Why does God has to kill a poor kitten whenever someone masturbates? Is this to stop the people from doing it by pricking their conscience? Unfortunately, there are more people who love dogs than cats. Probably the reason why…
5. If this is true, then is this the reason why cats have nine lives? So, they could accommodate nine masturbating peeps before they finally die for real, so they won’t turn into endangered species because of the massive population of people who do that thing?
6. Do the kittens even know about their no.1 cause of death (considering how masturbation is practiced by millions of people everyday, I guess this is how most of them die)?
7. Whoever invented masturbation, in the first place? Maybe he hates cats.
8. So, masturbation contributes to the population growth of rats since the cats’ are diminished?
Hard questions, I know. But maybe you could shed some light to this issue. This must be the reason why I’m so stressed these fast few weeks. This must be the reason why I’m sick right now. Help!!!